Being a Caregiver: Challenges, Support, and Real Self-Care

Learn how to care for a family member without compromising your own health. Practical tips on self-care, stress management, and real-world resources for caregivers.

By Alexandra Zareth

Caregiving can be an incredibly rewarding experience that, I know first hand, can allow one to look back and know they loved with compassion and intention AND, it is also impressively difficult. From understanding systems and resources to learning medical jargon and managing many appointments - challenges come in all shapes and sizes depending on your family system. First, I want to say (from a very knowing place) that I get it. And secondly, I want to tell you that YOU MATTER. In this mix of someone else’s many appointments and true reality, you do not cease to exist. 

In some cultures more than others, it is very hard to understand where or how one can continue to exist as our caregiving increases. Women across the world do more of the work that does not get paid. According to UN Women, women perform more than 2.5 times more unpaid work than men, roughly 4 hours and 25 minutes daily compared to men's 1 hour and 23 minutes globally. This means, women spend approximately 201 working days per year on unpaid care, compared to 63 days for men. Moreover, women and girls perform over 75% of all unpaid care and domestic work that consequently makes 42% of women unable to get paid jobs because they are responsible for all caregiving, compared to only 6% of men.

Many of you knew that reality in your soul without needing the numbers, but the numbers help externalize a truth that I am trying to make: this is hard work. While love might motivate the care we give, it does not change the reality of how heavy and hard the work truly is nor does it soften the impact it has on ourselves and our other important relationships. You need to make time to check in on yourself. Taking good care of yourself means you will be better able to care for others as well. And while I wish that would not be someone’s first reason to take care of themselves, I recognize that it is for many and thus, I said it first. Taking good care of yourself is not selfish, it is necessary to your survival. Even when deep-faith informs your care (i.e., people who adhere to a judeo-christian faith might feel very inclined to care for parents since it was a commandment given to the people Moses lead), your existence matters. 

Create a care-network to help you care for your loved one and for yourself. Have one-on-one conversations with the medical providers and social workers around you to learn what resources might be available for you and your loved one. 

• Can someone help with delivering groceries so you do not have to go get them?

• Does your loved one qualify for a type of therapy that connects them to a professional who focuses on quality of life? 

  
  

• Who can you call if you need specific help (i.e., someone who cooks meals, someone who cleans, someone who can drive at night, someone who brings/opens mail)?

There might be someone who can help with particular tasks that then will release you to focus on other things. We might be born within tight networks but we can create them. Learning to ask is often the hardest step but starting with a medical professional is always a great 1st step. 

Give yourself permission to ask for help. Help around you means there is help around your loved ones and you will be more able to enjoy your relationship with them. An exhausted caregiver becomes resentful, irritable, depressive and can easily harm their loved one because frustration fuels the caregiving. Frustrated caregivers can experience emotional numbness, guilt, ignore their own health, isolate and often develop chronic fatigue accompanied by physical ailments.

You do not have to exist this way. More and more research is emerging that gives us language and models for us to remain faithfully engaged in caregiving while also honoring our own lives that are worth living. Your quality of life need not dwindle even if there are necessary changes to be made. Sometimes all we need is a listening ear or a supportive response that says, I (still) see you; you are (still) there. You are not your caregiver role. You are a person going through a particular season – a season many people have been going through for millennia. Like all seasons, they will pass and you can live through them with integrity, love, and compassion. 

We are here to help you create a plan that centers around your holistic wellness. Your body, your mind, your health, your heart, your dreams… all of YOU matters. There are trusted providers already creating helpful resources such as the Caregiver Action Network (www.caregiveraction.org) and AARP’s Family Caregiving (www.aarp.org/caregiving) available to help you. If you are caring for someone or would like personalized support, schedule an appointment with us to accompany you on your journey. We would be honored to walk alongside you and your loved ones in this season to help co-create a healthy life-giving reality for any stage you might be going through. 

Footnote:

UN Women. (2025, October 23). FAQs: What is unpaid care work and how does it power the economy? https://www.unwomen.org/en/articles/faqs/faqs-what-is-unpaid-care-work-and-how-does-it-power-the-economy